It's a Jedi Thing You Wouldn't Understand
by kayladie
Summary: Luke gets hold of some bad shrooms, dude! Hilarious hijinks ensue.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** It's a Jedi Thing; You Wouldn't Understand  
**Author:** kayladie  
**Rating:** NC-17 (but not until the end)  
**Pairing:** Luke/Mara (but not until the end)  
**Summary:** Luke gets hold of some bad shrooms, dude! And various hijinks ensue...

**Warnings:** This story is just slightly cracky. And it's not going to be a long one, so it won't take me three years to get it finished either.

* * *

Luke Skywalker was pouting. He admitted to himself that it was a rather juvenile thing to do, but he didn't care at the moment. Of course, Leia didn't care either. She was still going to make him go, even though she knew he didn't want to. His voice got the whiny tone that occurred whenever he was irritated or stressed, because sometimes that made Leia back down. She hated the whiny tone.

It wasn't working right now.

"I don't see why I have to go. What possible good can I do there? I am _not _a diplomat."

"Luke, we are not discussing this any more. I have already told you why you have to go. You are the only living Jedi Master. The Terrissians revere the Jedi. The New Republic needs Terriss as a member. I cannot make it any clearer than that," Leia said in exasperation.

Honestly, sometimes talking to Luke or Han was no different than talking to one of her children. _Must be some sort of male gene,_ she mused to herself, still ignoring the mutinous expression her brother was giving her.

She sighed and tried a different tack. "Luke, you're not going to have to speak or demonstrate any of your abilities. It will be enough for the Terrissians just to know you're there and be able to see you."

"Yeah, so I'll be like an animal at the Coruscant Zoo. Ooh, look at the Jedi! Do you know how frustrating that gets?"

"Oh, I don't know, I've never had people stare at _me _that way!" she said sarcastically. "You know, it's not just you they're hero-worshipping here. They wanted to see the heroes from the Death Star. Han and I do have to deal with this on occasion."

Luke immediately felt ashamed at his infantile reaction. Leia was his sister and she cared about him. She knew he hated this sort of thing, so she wouldn't have asked if it wasn't truly important. He ducked his head and the lower lip went from being stuck out to being caught between his teeth and he replied, "You're right, I'm really sorry for being such a nerf."

Leia's expression softened. It was very difficult to stay mad at her brother when he gave her that 'aw-gee' farmboy look. "I know you don't want to do this. But it will only be three days and you'll actually be able to relax a bit. Terriss has some incredible gardens and fountains. It's quite a beautiful world and I think if you let yourself, you might even have a good time," she said softly.

He heaved a huge sigh, just to let her know he still wasn't happy with the prospect, and said, "All right. When do we leave?"

She smiled and gave him a hug as she kissed his cheek. "Tomorrow."

"What!? But, Leia-"

"We'll be waiting for you at the _Falcon's_ regular docking bay, brother dear," she called out as she was walking swiftly out the door, cutting off any additional protests he could come up with.

She chuckled as she heard a shockingly vivid curse come from behind Luke's apartment door as she walked away. She straightened her shoulders as she headed back towards her own apartment. Now she just had to go talk Han into this.

* * *

She was going to have to kill the both of them; she realized that now. Not only had they spent the entire trip to Terriss baiting each other and nearly driving her mad, once they arrived on the planet she was trying to coax into joining the New Republic, they had acted no older than about fourteen.

Leia could overlook the looks of resigned boredom they both affected in Terriss' museums; she knew that wasn't the sort of thing either of them enjoyed. She could even overlook the making faces and drawing doodles on their datapads during the lecture series. She could_ not, _however, overlook the water blaster battle in the hotel lobby. That was truly going a step too far.

Now, having been caught red-handed, they were both frozen in place, staring at her in rueful embarrassment. Han had Luke by the front of his tunic and had his water blaster aimed at Luke's crotch so that it would appear he'd wet himself. Luke had just unloaded the entire contents of _his _water blaster on top of Han's head, causing water to stream down his face.

"Upstairs, now," she ground out, her fists clenched by her sides to keep herself from pounding the two of them.

They knew better than to protest as they filed silently to the lift and stepped on. Once the doors closed and they were out of sight of curious eyes, they both began talking at once, each blaming the other for their current misadventure.

She held up a hand and said, "I _don't _want to hear it right now. We'll discuss it when we get to the room."

Han and Luke looked at each other with a grimace. 'Discuss' always meant 'lecture'.

As far as lectures went, Leia felt it was one of her finest. She had harangued them for almost a solid hour, managing to bring up the worst qualities that they both possessed and even a few incidents that she had been letting sit idle until just such an occasion.

After she had finished, on the note that the two of them were personally responsible for the precarious state of the entire New Republic, she told them she didn't want to see either of them for the rest of the evening and retired to the bedroom that she and Han were sharing in the suite. Luke's room was on the opposite side of the sitting room that connected the two.

"Guess we should be glad she didn't find out about those statues in the garden downstairs, huh?" Luke said.

"Guess you better make room for me in your room," Han retorted.

"No way, you can sleep on this couch."

"I'm taller than you! You should sleep out here and let me have your bed."

"Hey, this was all your idea! I'm not giving up my bed for you. You'd better get over to that door and try to sweet-talk your wife if you want to sleep in a bed tonight."

"I'll arm wrestle you for it," Han said.

"Okay," Luke agreed, a little too quickly for Han's taste. Then he remembered that he always needed to qualify contests between himself and Luke.

"No Force!"

Luke's grin disappeared and he muttered what sounded suspiciously like 'wimp' under his breath. Unfortunately for Han, Luke was in better physical shape even without the Force due to the strenuous training he underwent almost daily at the Academy. Luke had the poor grace to laugh as he went into his bedroom and shut the door. _To sleep in a nice, comfortable bed, _Han fumed to himself as he rubbed his sore arm. Seemed to Han that a Jedi Master shouldn't be allowed to gloat.

Han gave a longing glance towards the door that Leia had closed behind her almost half an hour ago. Hells, he had done far worse than this before. Surely, he could talk her out of her irritation. He was a Corellian, after all.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you everyone who read the first chapter! Hope you like this next part!**

* * *

Han awoke the next morning sore and aching from trying to fit his almost two-meter frame onto a less than one-and-a-half meter couch

Han awoke the next morning sore and aching from trying to fit his almost two-meter frame onto a less than one-and-a-half meter couch. When Luke came out of his room and stretched lazily, Han shot him a glare that might have killed someone who wasn't a Jedi. Luke was about to tease Han further when he noted the truly irritated frown on his brother-in-law's face and decided he may have pushed Han far enough.

He was glad for this decision because Luke definitely needed Han on his side when the door to Leia's room opened and they immediately got another lecture on why they weren't ready to go down to breakfast yet. Between the two of them, they managed enough apologies and morose faces to quell Leia's irritation a little bit.

Unfortunately, Leia not being quite as miffed at them did not make the day to come any less boring. The only thing they both agreed that they were looking forward to was the banquet lunch the hotel had provided. Apparently, this place was renowned for its fine cuisine. By the time lunch finally rolled around, Luke couldn't have cared less if it was dirt and grubs. He was starving.

When he said as much to Han, his brother-in-law gave him a pitying look.

"Didn't you know, Luke? It _is_ grubs. It's quite the delicacy here, from what I've heard."

Luke grimaced at him in distaste. Sure, he'd been known to eat about anything, but grubs? Then he noticed the mischievous twinkle in Han's eye and flushed in embarrassment. How mortifying was it that he was thirty years old, a respected war veteran, and a Jedi Master on top of all that, and Han was _still_ able to make him believe almost anything that he said?

It really wasn't fair that some people could lie so well and so convincingly.

"You big bantha turd," Luke said, just a little too loudly, causing some of the other guests standing nearby to cast curious glances towards where they stood in line waiting to fill their plates at the sumptuous buffet.

From Han's other side, Leia's eyes instantly pierced him with a sharp glare and Luke mouthed 'sorry' at her, blushing even redder.

"Bantha turd? That the best you can come up with, Kid?" Han said under his breath as he snickered.

"You're just lucky I don't have my lightsaber with me, or we'd see what the best I can come up with is," Luke whispered back fiercely.

"Lightsaber threats, Luke? Really? Not very becoming of a Jedi, is that?" Han sneered.

"I'm pretty sure the Jedi Code would make an exception for an obnoxious smuggler who must have somehow conned a princess into marrying him."

"Hey!" Leia's glare again, and it was Han's turn to mouth 'sorry'. "That's hitting below the belt, Junior!" he whispered, probably still a little too loud, judging by the looks they were still getting.

"Well, you-" Luke started, and then he had to hold back a yelp as Leia viciously pinched him on the shoulder. He didn't feel too badly about that since he saw that Han was rubbing his own shoulder and sending Leia an extremely affronted look.

"I am beginning to think that I should have brought Jacen and Jaina on this trip with me. Honestly, when I'm comparing you to two-year-olds, don't you think it's time to grow up?!" she hissed at them.

"Sorry, Leia."

"Sorry, dear."

"I don't want to hear any more apologies. I want an immediate improvement in your behavior. Am I clear?"

The two of them nodded mutely. But as soon as her back was turned, they glared at one another, each vowing silently that the war wasn't over yet. However, they were both willing to acknowledge that they should cease hostilities for the moment in the interest of avoiding the wrath of a certain Alderaanian princess.

With that situation temporarily settled, Luke turned his attention to the mouthwatering array of food that was presented on the tables in front of them. Eagerly, he began filling his plate, pausing from time to time to ask one of the attendants about any dish he didn't recognize.

"Those, Master Skywalker, are pinda shrooms, a particular delicacy of Terriss, as they are extremely rare. In fact, they had been thought extinct, until a batch was discovered on the island of Drindal off the coast of Cortania. They were brought here especially for you, our honored guests," the man standing at the center of the buffet tables beamed.

He turned out to be the head chef and Luke thanked him as he scooped several of the tempting looking treats onto his plate.

"Oh, it's my pleasure, Master Jedi! I do hope you enjoy them."

Luke thought if the man smiled any wider, his face might split.

"What'd he say those were?" Han asked.

"Pinda shrooms. I love shrooms, we used to have them all the time on Tatooine. Not much else we could grow out in the desert."

"Ugh, I can't stand them myself," Leia murmured quietly, not wanting to offend their hosts. "Here, Han, take mine for me," she whispered, discreetly scraping the few she'd had on her plate onto Han's.

"No problem there, sweetheart, I'd do just about anything for you, you know," Han said with a sickeningly sweet smile.

Leia gave Han a half-hearted glare as Luke mimicked gagging behind her back. Han ignored him and turned up the wattage on the smile. He was rewarded when Leia's face softened into a smile as she patted his cheek.

"You old scoundrel, you'll never change."

Luke rolled his eyes in disbelief, and then choked when Leia turned to him, the scowl returning to her face.

"Would you hurry up, Luke? You're holding up the line."

Luke tried to ignore the triumphant look on Han's face, having to resort to reciting the Jedi Code several times under his breath, but it was hard, very hard.

* * *

By the time they were ready to go down to dinner that evening, Han had almost managed to soothe Leia completely out of her irritation at him. It had helped that Luke had wandered off to tour some of the gardens on his own, leaving Han to steal a few kisses from his princess. When a knock came on the door of their suite, Leia was still blushing from the naughty things that Han had just been whispering in her ear.

"Ignore it," Han urged, leaning over her on the small couch to try and kiss her again.

Leia giggled, and Han knew he was home-free then. There was no way she could still be angry at him and be able to giggle.

"We have to answer it, Han. It's probably the Ambassador's Aide coming to escort us down to the dining hall."

"I've got what I want to dine on right here," Han said, leering suggestively at her. Again he tried to maneuver her beneath him on the couch, but suddenly he was falling face-first into the cushion and Leia was standing up in front of him with a smirk on her face.

"Damn Luke and his damn Jedi teachings," Han grumbled under his breath.

"Look, I know you're not exactly thrilled with all this diplomacy and posturing. I'm not overjoyed by it myself, you know, but it's necessary, and we're almost through it. Only one more day to go and we'll be back on our way to Coruscant and our children," Leia encouraged.

Han sighed, feeling just a tad guilty for all the headaches he and Luke had given Leia over the last two days. But not guilty enough to be sorry about that water blaster battle. That had been fun! And he still thought that Luke had cheated somehow to soak him so thoroughly.

"You're right, sweetheart. Get the door and I'll see if I can find out where Luke got himself off to."

"Thanks, Han," Leia said with a smile.

He was just reaching for his comm to see if he could contact his brother-in-law when a commotion rose at the door where Leia was talking not to the Ambassador's Aide, but to the manager of the hotel.

"What's the problem here?" he asked as he came up behind his wife, who was looking unusually flustered.

"It's Luke. Apparently, he's gotten himself into trouble."

"Well, _that_ certainly doesn't surprise me," Han said wryly. "What'd he do, try to rescue some damsel in distress and tick off her boyfriend or something?"

"Um, no, not exactly," Leia hedged.

"What is it then?"

"He's, ah, up on the roof, practicing with his, er, lightsaber," Leia said, and to Han's astonishment, a blush rose on her cheeks. "And he's not dressed."

Han stared at her blankly for a long moment. "I'm sorry, what? Did he take his shirt off or something and offend some high-society matron?"

"No-ooo," Leia said slowly.

"And didn't he leave his lightsaber stashed on the _Falcon_? Did he have a spare?"

"Han, Luke is on the roof pretending that a big stick is his lightsaber and he's totally naked," Leia said bluntly.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: And here's the next part!**

* * *

Han wasn't sure where to direct his gaze once he and Leia had made their way to the roof

Han wasn't sure where to direct his gaze once he and Leia had made their way to the roof. On the one hand, it was really funny to see Luke so obviously out-of-control in a way the kid hadn't been since the early days of their friendship. On the other hand, Luke was…well, _naked_, and that was a whole lot more of his wife's brother than he ever wanted to see.

Glancing over at Leia, Han could tell she seemed to have the same problem, only her expression was a lot more worried than amused. Luke was currently bouncing around in a jerky manner, jabbing the stick out in front of him and he was yelling something that Han couldn't quite understand for the wind currents up here.

"One of the maintenance workers discovered him, and when the man tried to talk to Master Skywalker, he, ah, rapped him on the head with the stick," the hotel manager said with a grimace.

Han could tell they weren't going to be invited back to this establishment for a very, very long time. Although, to be honest, that had probably been the case after the discovery of the defaced statues in the garden. Leia turned her head to glare at her husband.

"Han! _Do_ something!" she said in a low voice.

Han didn't know if she was trying to keep Luke from overhearing them or not, but either way, it didn't work, because he immediately turned sharply to look at them.

"Han! Leia! I thought you'd never get here!" he shouted gleefully.

Luke started to run towards them, but paused when Han jumped back and shouted "Whoa!" with his hands held out in front of him defensively. "That's about as close as I care to come to junior, Junior!" he said.

Luke just gave him a puzzled look, and then his face brightened with a fiercely happy, almost maniacal expression.

"I'm so glad you're here, because now I can finish telling the story. I was trying to tell the story to Fritz, and hey, where did Fritz go anyway? But I was telling him the story and then he kinda wandered off, and okay, _maybe _I shouldn't have smited him with the lightsaber, and do you know where my real lightsaber is, by the way? But Fritz was not paying attention and that's why he got smote but then he left and I really can't tell the story without an audience, it's just not the same somehow, but now you're both here and I can finish telling the story and that just makes me so, so, so, so, so happy…"

Han and Leia and the hotel manager just stood there in amazement as Luke rambled on continuously, somehow never running out of words, and yet he was talking about absolutely nothing. Han remembered once having an old girlfriend that had had the same ability and it was annoying then, too.

Finally, Leia was able to catch his attention and break the non-stop flow of nonsense.

"Luke. Luke! _Luke_!" She finally had to scream it before Luke took a breath. "What story are you talking about?" she asked in confusion.

Han glared sideways at her. She'd just managed to get him to shut up and now she was inviting him to get started talking again?

"Only the greatest story ever told! It said so in all the holomags and all over the holonet, too! It's the story of…" he paused and then struck a hilariously dramatic pose with the stick held tightly in both hands in front of him. "…good versus evil. Light against Darkness. It's the story of how one young boy from a desolate, desert planet rose from obscurity to vanquish the most wicked of foes…"

"Oh, my gods, isn't that how the narration goes at the beginning of that awful docudrama about him that Luke absolutely despises?" Leia whispered in horror at Han.

"I think you're right. Heh, I always thought he did protest a bit too much, that faker," Han snickered.

Leia glared at him furiously, and Han winced to himself. He had a bad feeling he'd just undone all the kissing up he'd been doing all afternoon. In front of them, Luke was still quoting the docudrama, which told Han for certain that the kid really secretly liked the tacky thing, because who memorized something they supposedly despised?

"…'and when they met in the swirling clouds of Bespin, the young Skywalker quickly discovered that the villainous Dark Lord was still more than a match for his untested skills.' Hey guys, we're almost to my favorite part. Do you know what my favorite part was, do you? Really, most people think it was the bit where I actually tagged old Buckethead on the shoulder, but that's not it, that's not it at all. Do you want to know what it is, do you?" Luke asked eagerly, once again getting his parts a little too close to Han for comfort.

"Er, yeah, tell us what your favorite part is, Luke," Han said, backing away a step or two and hoping that Leia didn't notice and get even madder.

"Buckethead?" Leia said in disbelief. Neither of them had ever heard Luke talk about his father in such a disrespectful manner.

Luke paused in his story and turned to look at his sister. "Yeah, you didn't ever notice that shiny black helmet looks just like a big ol' bucket? Funny, I thought everyone saw that. Anyway, I only call him that cause I care, right?" Luke laughed uproariously at his own joke and then quickly turned his rabid attention back to Han. "So, my favorite part! Like I said, everyone thinks it's when I tagged him…" his voice dropped to a very loud whisper, "…don't tell anyone, but that was a total accident. I _so_ got lucky on that one!"

Again, he took a moment to giggle at his own sneakiness. Han was appalled. Luke giggled like a girl. That was something they'd have to work on after this mess was all over.

"My most favorite part of the whole Bespin ordeal…oh, I really hate that word, don't you guys? Everyone kept saying afterwards, 'Oh, Luke, how are you after such an ordeal!' or 'Oh, Jedi Skywalker, you must be so traumatized after such a horrible ordeal!'. It really started getting on my nerves, too. And it's such a weird sounding word anyway. Orrrr-deeeeal. Doesn't that just sound like a weird word? So, in my head, I started calling it the Bespin Thingy. That sounds a lot better, I think," he said with a decisive nod.

Han sighed in irritation. This could take a while, it seemed. "Your favorite part, Luke?" he prodded, while trying to figure out if there was a way they could talk him into at least putting on a robe or something.

"Favorite part of what?" Luke asked Han, giving him a questioning look.

Han's attempted smile probably more closely resembled a grimace, but he was trying, really he was. Surely Leia had to appreciate that much.

"Your favorite part of the Bespin story, Luke," he said patiently.

"Oh! Oh, yes! I remember now. It's when I flew, of course! You'd never believe me if I tried to tell you how exhilarating that was. Course, I also thought I was gonna die, but that's really just details. Hey, do you want to see how I did it? I was totally cool and awesome about the whole thing, I really was! It went like this."

Luke turned and ran over to the ledge of the building, leaping up onto it, somehow still possessing his customary grace despite the fact that Han was certain he'd absolutely lost his mind. Beside him, Leia let out a little shriek of dismay at Luke's casual prancing on the edge of a building that was forty stories high.

"He'd just sliced off my hand…and how mean was _that_ of him, by the way? I mean, not only did he totally abandon me, never get me any lifeday presents or anything, he cut off my kriffing hand! And let me tell you, that shavit hurt! A whole, whole lot!"

"Is that when you got the bionic hand, Luke? Why don't you, uh, come over here and let me see that?" Han said, hoping to play along and get Luke off the ledge before both he and Han's marriage went splat.

Luke started to hop off the ledge, saying "Sure!" with a big grin, when he paused. "Hey, wait a minute. Aren't you the guy I've been battling the entire weekend? You…you tried to frame me with those destroyed statues in the garden. You're working for the Imperials, aren't you?" Luke said suspiciously.

"Destroyed statues in the garden?" Leia asked in confusion before sending a knowing glare in Han's direction.

Han groaned to himself. Well, that was it. He might as well start looking up divorce lawyers on the holonet. Still, maybe he could salvage the situation a little.

"No, Luke, it's me, Han. Remember, I'm only deep undercover. I'm still a rebel, but I'm working with the Imps to find out who poisoned the water supply on Kelex Van."

"Kelex Van?" Luke said, just a shade of doubt still in his tone. "Oh, yeah, I do remember that now. You'd better be careful around here, Han. I think there might be an Imperial spy lurking in the building. If he should see me talking to you, your cover could be blown. Hey, do you think Fritz is the spy?! Is that why I had to smite him?" Luke asked excitedly.

"The story, Luke, you were telling us the story of what your favorite part of Bespin was," Leia said urgently, suddenly butting into his big plan. Okay, so it might not have been that great a plan, but at least Luke's parts were a safe distance from him now.

"Don't encourage him to think like that. What if he decided to go looking for some spy in the hotel? Can you imagine the diplomatic incident that would generate?" Leia whispered harshly as Luke began to ramble on again about the battle of Bespin.

"Oh, like _this_ isn't creating a diplomatic incident as we speak?" Han whispered back hotly.

They had both sort of forgotten about Luke for a moment, his babbling having faded into the background as they glared vibrodaggers at one another, but then Luke suddenly shouted something that jerked their attention back to him.

"And then I _jumped_! Like _this_!"

Leia squealed and Han screamed – he told himself it was definitely not a squeal on his part – as Luke threw himself over the edge of the building…

…and hovered there in midair.

Han gaped at him. Man, how strong was the kid in the Force if he could be whacked out of his head and still levitate himself. Han had to admit, even if only to himself, that he was impressed.

Luke looked less impressed than simply confused.

"Han!" Leia's voice sounded weirdly strained for some reason and then Han looked more carefully at her. And realized _she_ was the one using the Force to keep Luke from developing a very intimate relationship with the duracrete forty stories below them.

It was obviously no easy task as she was trembling with the effort and Luke was squirming around as he hung suspended in space, almost as if he was still trying to fall. Recovering from his shock slightly, Han realized he was attempting to do just that, muttering to himself about snooty, interfering sisters and nothing ever going his way.

_Still a whiner, even when he's nuts_, Han thought snidely before he turned to look at Leia again.

"Han, _do_ something! I can't hold him like this for long. He's fighting me, and even as addlebrained as he seems to be, he's stronger than me!" she ground out through clenched teeth.

So, Han pulled out his blaster and shot Luke.

Instantly, the Jedi's body went limp and he came hurtling towards his sister and brother-in-law as his resistance to her Force pull disappeared. With a yelp, Han sidestepped quickly before Luke's flying body, his _naked_ flying body, could touch any part of him.

"HAN! YOU SHOT MY BROTHER!" Leia shrieked in the most unholy, angry, outraged tone he'd ever heard her use. She hadn't been that shrill since the day she'd screamed at him when they were trapped in the Death Star's garbage compactor.

"What?! It was set on stun! He's off the ledge and out of danger, isn't he!"

With one more glare that would have paled Tatooine's heat in comparison, Leia turned to the manager and efficiently arranged to have Luke brought a robe and moved back down to their suite. Han was kind of worried she would be making arrangements to have her husband tossed off the roof, but luckily she gestured for him to follow as they moved Luke into the building.

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: And here's the next part! Sorry for the bit of a wait, there. Hope y'all enjoy!**

* * *

That pretty much ended the whole diplomatic envoy to try and convince the Terrissians to join the New Republic

That pretty much ended the whole diplomatic envoy to try and convince the Terrissians to join the New Republic. Thankfully, the mission actually turned out to be successful as it was discovered – a little after the fact, in Han's opinion – that it was the hotel's fault for Luke's condition. In their guilt, the Terrissians even agreed to a few concessions that Leia would have thought to be impossible to gain.

Apparently, the reason that the pindi shrooms had been extinct was that they'd been found years ago to have serious adverse affects on Jedi. The stuttering scientist who'd explained it all to a severely displeased Han and Leia had said something about it being something in the Jedi's blood that reacted badly with something in the shrooms. Unfortunately, not much more than that was known, although they did say that the effects should wear off within a standard week or so.

In the meantime, Han and Leia were a bit uncertain exactly what they should do with Luke. Because one of the effects of the shrooms was that he wasn't going to sleep at all for the next several days. They were advised to keep a close eye on him as when the 'high' wore off, he would fall into a deep sleep, almost a state of unconsciousness, for several hours. Han didn't think his temporary answer of stunning Luke with his blaster would go over as a long-term solution. And he didn't even mention it to Leia, seeing as how he was back to trying to squirm his way into her good graces again.

After much arguing, they finally decided to take away all Luke's weapons and tools and keep him confined to his cabin on the _Falcon_, and in their own apartments once they got back to Coruscant. Leia was faced with the task of canceling all her brother's appointments for the next week, and the only excuse she could come up with was that he was 'ill'.

The trip back to Coruscant wasn't too bad, and it only took a day anyway, so Luke didn't seem to get too upset that they wouldn't let him out of his cabin. In fact, he seemed quite happy to stay there if one of them stayed with him so he could babble at them endlessly about every single nonsensical thing that came into his head. The Solos quickly learned to take turns in that duty, as there was only so much of that a sane person could take.

Han and Leia had both worried that Luke would use the Force to let himself out, but his Force skills seemed to be a bit muddled along with his senses. The trouble began on their third day back in their apartment on Coruscant. Luke suddenly declared that he had a mission and started trying to leave. Nothing Han or Leia could say would convince him that he needed to stay put and he even started to get a little angry with them for not letting him go.

Leia ended up having to cancel most of her own appointments because it was becoming a full time job just trying to keep Luke in the damn apartment. She worriedly sent the children to stay with Winter and they spent the next two days frantically interrupting all of Luke's escape attempts. Obviously, his Force skills were coming back a little sooner than his wits were.

Which was how they'd ended up in the situation they were in now. Luke was lying on the floor between the two of them, unconscious, and Leia was glaring a hole through Han again. Rather, she was glaring at the blaster in his hand.

"I cannot believe you shot him again, Han! Are you insane!?"

"Leia, he was out on the balcony about to start climbing towards the roof! What did you want me to do!?"

"Ohhh, this whole mess is insane, that's what it is. I can't do this anymore, I'm losing my mind," Leia groaned. She turned away from Han, both hands rubbing at her temples as she could feel a vicious migraine begin to pound throughout her skull.

"Aw, sweetheart. I know it's been hell, but-" Han started. He couldn't stand to see Leia in pain or upset. "It's only one more day. We just gotta keep tellin' ourselves that. One more day. Luke'll probably wake up tomorrow and be his old self and he'll wonder what the heck happened to his week," Han said, trying to encourage her with a familiar lopsided smile.

Leia half-turned back towards him, and couldn't help the little giggle that escaped her. "You know he's going to be so embarrassed by all of this, don't you?"

"Oh, I'm counting on it, your worshipfulness. This'll be blackmail material for years to come," Han said with a wicked grin.

"You scoundrel, you," Leia said affectionately. She gave a heavy sigh. "I'm really sorry to have put all of us in this position."

"What have you got to be sorry about? This is not your fault. It was those damned Terrissians, not doing their proper research, that's what caused this."

"Yes, but if I hadn't insisted that Luke go along, then none of this would have happened," Leia said, and sniffled a bit guiltily.

"There was no way you could have seen this one comin', Princess," Han said softly. "Don't blame yourself. How many times has Luke gone on a mission like this with you and nothing happened at all?"

"Actually…not that many. He really seems to attract trouble," Leia said with a little frown at her slumbering twin. "Maybe I should let him stay on Coruscant from now on," she said wryly. She glanced back up at her husband and gave another sigh. "You know what the worst part of this is?"

"What?"

"This is the first time in ages that you and I have had so much time to spend together and all we've been able to do is baby-sit Luke."

Han's libido immediately perked up at his wife's words. They'd not even had the time to kiss each other for the last six days, much less anything more intimate than that, and it had been a very long time since Han Solo had gone more than a day or two without intimacy with his wife. He gave a quick glance down to where Luke lay senseless on the floor and then raised his gaze to Leia's face. By the gleam in her eyes, he could tell she was thinking the same thing.

"He's, ah, probably going to be out for at least an hour," Han said casually.

"Uh-huh," Leia agreed.

"So-ooo, if you wanted to, you know, go to the bedroom for a bit and, uh, do some other stuff…" Han said, his words trailing off as Leia's gaze intensified.

"You'd better be in there and naked in the next five minutes, flyboy," she growled.

"I can be there in three," Han said and they both took off at the same instant for their bedroom.

Fifty-three minutes later, Han was feeling pretty damn good. He and Leia were lying side-by-side on their bed, big silly grins on their faces as they stared up at the ceiling. Han reached out to grasp her hand, squeezing it gently in his.

"I love you, your Royalness," he said softly, as he turned his head to look at her.

"I love you, too, you pirate," she smiled back. "I guess we'd better go check on Luke."

"Remember, sweetheart, just one more day. One more day and everything'll be all back to normal. Just regular people trying to drive us crazy, not your Jedi Master brother," he said and leaned over to kiss her tenderly.

"Right," Leia sighed.

"Tell you what. Why don't you take a little nap? I'll go get Luke, put him back in the guest room and then I'll sit and listen to the motor mouth for a while."

"Oh, Han, would you? You're so sweet," Leia said gratefully.

Han grinned at her in delight. He'd just scored major bonus points towards the next time he did something really stupid. Getting up, he grabbed his pants and pulled them back on. He bent over Leia to give her one more kiss before sauntering back to the living room.

And then his heart completely stopped beating for a moment or two. His bonus points were about to be used up right now, because Luke was nowhere to be seen.

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N I know it's been a long time since I updated this...truth be told, I'd forgotten about it! But the good news is that I've finally finished the story. There are nine parts in all, and I'll be posting one part a day. Thanks to anyone still reading this (all two of you, I'm sure!)**

**Part Five**

For some reason, he kept feeling like he had to shake his head to rid it of imaginary cobwebs. Luke couldn't figure out why that was. Maybe it had something to do with the way Han and Leia had turned on him. _Those traitors! _he thought to himself once again, and decided that he should probably do something about their treachery. Maybe report them to the NRI or something…or maybe he should just put glue in all their socks. Either way, it should be something really, really bad for trying to keep Luke from completing his mission.

_The mission! Damn, I keep forgetting about the mission. Why is that again? Oh, yeah, Han and Leia are spies! I should do something about that…after the mission. Focus, Skywalker! The mission comes first, then the revenge… _

Shaking his head for the cobwebs, Luke added grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes to try and clear his thoughts. _Now, what was that mission again? _

He cursed Han and Leia and pulled his Jedi cloak tighter around his face. It was imperative that no one recognize him or the mission was certain to be compromised. If only he could remember exactly what the mission was, this would be _so_ much easier. He skulked – _heh, skulked…that's a neat word…skulked skulked skulked – _a little further down the street, not noticing the odd looks he was getting. Even if he had noticed, he was determined not to let it interfere with the mission.

_Blast! What was that damned mission anyway?! _He paused to lean up against a wall, frowning fiercely as he tried to focus his thoughts again. When he looked up, he blinked at the sight of the bright flashing lights of a club across the vivid representations of scantily dressed dancing girls sparked a memory in his addled brain. There was something about a dancer…

Luke scowled as he concentrated hard to try and bring the thought into clearer focus. A dancer, with dark hair – although that seemed wrong, somehow – and the place she was in was dark, as well. Lots of strange creatures, and he was there, too, looking for something…someone? For some strange reason, the dancer had a weapon in her hand? Pointed at…him?

Luke gasped in astonishment as he pushed himself away from the wall. That was it! The dancer was an assassin, and she was trying to kill him! That was the mission, he had to take the dancer out before she took _him_ out. He paused again as he tried to focus on the dancer's face, but it wouldn't quite come to him. Shrugging, he decided to go into the club anyway. Surely, in there he'd be able to find something to lead him in the right direction.

With a new purpose, Luke strode forcefully – _ha, _Force_fully, I made a joke_, he giggled inwardly – towards the club.

There weren't too many patrons in the small club, but the few that were lounging inside turned to look as the doors slammed open, hit the walls, and then quickly swung back to nearly incapacitate the cloaked figure who'd paused to pose in the opening. There was a long spate of muffled cursing as the man attempted to unsnag the cloak from around his feet where it had tangled when he'd leapt forward to avoid the doors.

When the stranger finally got himself situated, he attempted to walk casually and inconspicuously over to the bar, which was pretty much impossible at this point as every eye in the place was on him. However, when he sat down and didn't do anything else interesting right away, most of the patrons turned their attention back to what they were doing before he'd entered.

The bartender had even turned back to the conversation he'd been having with one of the beings sitting at the bar, when his attention was called back to the stranger by a loud _psssst_! Giving the stranger a dubious look, the bartender didn't move. The noise came again, a little more insistently this time.

_Psssssst!! _

With a sigh of resignation, the bartender made his way over to the still-cloaked figure and grunted, "Yeah?"

A hand emerged from the depths of the cloak and beckoned the bartender closer. Warily, the bartender shook his head and said, "Whatever you wanna say, just say it, buddy. This is as close as I get."

A childish harrumph of irritation sounded from the man before he finally flipped the cloak back off his head and glared at the bartender. All he got back in return was a bored glance.

"I am a Super Secret Jedi Master Spy and I am on a super secret mission that requires your assistance, my good man."

"Yeah, right!" the bartender scoffed and let out a barking laugh. "Super secret Jedi spy, he says," he called to the patrons at the other end of the bar and all of them burst out laughing.

The cloaked one was extremely incensed. "What, you don't believe me?!" he demanded.

"Nope."

"But why not?" the Jedi spy whined petulantly.

"Well, for one thing, if you were a Jedi spy, why would you go around telling everyone about it?"

"But I didn't tell everyone. _You_ told everyone!"

"So why'd you tell me?" the bartender asked logically.

He had to think about that one for a few moments before he remembered. The mission! And he needed this kind gentleman's help with his mission.

"I need your help. I'm looking for a woman."

"If that's your super secret mission, then sign me up to be a Jedi, too!" the bartender laughed crudely.

"No, no, no, not for that! She's an assassin and she's trying to kill me. Now are you going to help me or not?" Luke asked, very annoyed at this interruption to his plans.

"Nope."

"But _why not_?!" Luke said, his voice even whinier than before. He thought the bartender actually winced.

"Cuz you ain't no Jedi. You're a nutcase!"

Luke gasped in outrage at the man's lack of faith. "I am too a Jedi!"

"Oh, yeah? Prove it," the bartender sneered.

"I will! I'll show you my lightsaver, I mean my lightsaber," Luke said, choosing to ignore the ribald laughter that erupted at his slip of the tongue. He reached down to his side to triumphantly display the shimmering blade of light that he'd constructed himself all those years ago…

…only it wasn't there!

That she-witch assassin! She must've stolen his weapon! When he said as much to the man he was trying to prove his identity to, Luke was dismayed to hear more laughter and derision. He would prove himself to this jerk if it was the last thing he ever did.

The Jedi Mind Trick! That was the ticket. That one never failed to impress.

With a cocky grin, Luke stretched his arms out in front of him, interlacing his fingers and cracking his knuckles. He hid his brief grimace – stupid bionic hand that he kept forgetting about, dammit – and prepared to dazzle these deluded idiots.

He cleared his throat, and settled his gaze on the bartender, intending to intimidate him with the strength of his glare. Unfortunately, Luke had no idea it merely made him look as though he were extremely constipated. At least, he was unaware of this until one of the bar patrons helpfully pointed it out to him.

Momentarily distracted, Luke turned his Jedi glare on the man and said, "You're next, buddy!"

This only caused another round of laughter, which only frustrated Luke further.

"Look, you guys have to shut up so I can concentrate, okay!?" he whined.

There didn't seem to be any inclination of the part of the group to stop laughing until the bartender hushed them by saying that he wanted to hear what exactly Luke was going to do. Luke was thrilled that he had at least one supporter in the place. He almost felt bad that he was going to have to make the man's brainwaves into mush with his awesome Jedi Mind Trick. To the Jedi's dismay, however, the bartender continued by saying that he hadn't had this many laughs all week.

Luke decided that he just had to ignore all that junk and concentrate on the Force. It had never let him down before, and he was certain that it wouldn't let him down now. Or at least, he really hoped it didn't. That would suck. Big time.

He went back to his intimidating glare and ignored the giggles this time. Raising his hand, he made a smooth motion with his two fingers and said, "You will admit that I'm a Jedi Master."

"Nope, still don't see it," the bartender said with a smirk.

Luke's mouth gaped open in astonishment. That had never failed him before! Maybe he didn't get the hand motion right. Sometimes that could be a little tricky.

Raising up straighter in his seat, Luke motioned with his hand again and intoned, "You will tell me where I can find the spy."

"I ain't telling you a damn thing, you weirdo," the bartender sneered.

Luke let out a shout of frustration that only started the bar patrons laughing again. He imagined for a few moments some really inventive revenge schemes against every single one of them, before deciding that he needed to focus on getting the bartender's help so that he could continue his mission to look for the dangerous dancing assassin.

Taking a deep breath, he resolved to try one more time to show these idiots with his Jedi Mind Trick what a fantastic Super Secret Jedi Spy he was…and if that didn't work, well, he'd always had a guilty wish to see if he could make Force Lightning. Bet they wouldn't be laughing at _that_. Drawing on all of his inner energy, Luke focused and gestured once again with his hand as he practically growled, "You will give me a free drink."

"The hell I will!" the bartender burst into guffaws along with the rest of the crowd and Luke helplessly banged his hand on the counter. That stupid bionic hand had to be malfunctioning. It was the only explanation! Then, he was so frustrated, that he began to bang his head on the counter. The others' howls of laughter only became more pronounced. He stopped the headbanging after only a couple of times, though, because that counter was _hard_! And…well, it made his head hurt.

At a loss to explain why his Force powers were giving him such trouble, and very embarrassed at the continuing amusement of the people he was trying to impress, Luke turned his back on them with a huff of irritation. He perked up immediately at the sight that met his eyes. All thoughts of the dancer/assassin and proving his Jedi status flew right out of his head with his delight at his new discovery.

"You didn't tell me you had a karaoke machine!"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N And here's the next part! Hope y'all enjoy!**

**Part Six**

Mara Jade let herself into her apartment with a bone weary sigh. Karrde was a fantastic boss to work for, but he did expect a lot out of his employees, and this last assignment had worked Mara into a near state of exhaustion. All she was looking forward to now was a hot bath and then her bed, in that order, and nothing else for at least twenty-four hours.

Which of course, with the way her luck was going lately, explained why her comm station was buzzing with seventeen urgent messages. Seriously, couldn't Talon give her one day to rest up? She'd managed to secure a deal with the damn Moritti Council, a reclusive group that hadn't welcomed outsiders into their ranks in nearly two decades. That wasn't enough? She grimaced as she listened to the first message, fully prepared to tell Talon she was quitting if he reneged on her promised two-week vacation.

To her surprise, it wasn't Talon Karrde, but Han Solo on her comm…all seventeen times. The first few messages were fairly straightforward, of the 'Jade, I need to talk to you, please call me' variety. However, as the messages went on, Solo became increasingly nervous and frantic, until by the last one, he was on his knees and begging her to answer her damn calls before he ended up facing utter doom.

Just as Mara was trying to decide whether she should try some of the drugs Solo was apparently indulging in, he called again. Taken off guard, Mara stupidly answered.

"Thank the stars you've finally decided to pick up, Jade! Do you have any idea how long I've been trying to get in touch with you?!" he demanded.

"Frankly, yes, Solo. Since about 1500, if my timestamp is right. Now give me one good reason why I shouldn't just hang up on your ass. You've got about five seconds to convince me," she snarled.

"Right, right, I'm sorry, Jade. Didn't mean to be so, um, harsh. Just don't hang up, okay? Please don't hang up?" Solo said, as he raised his hands in a pleading gesture.

Mara was intrigued enough not to cut him off instantly. Solo was acting very odd and very, well, un-Solo-like. "Explain," she said sharply.

If she were a lesser woman, the story that came pouring out of Solo might have caused her mouth to drop open in shock. As it was, she couldn't help the reflexive raising of one incredulous eyebrow.

"So, basically what you're telling me is that you let one of the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy get high on drugs, then you lost him and he's now wandering somewhere, completely defenseless, on the most populous planet in said galaxy? And you want my help to find him because you're afraid that if your wife finds out you've lost him, she'll cut your balls off?"

"That's pretty much the gist of it, yeah," Solo said with a sheepish grin. Then he looked at her with an obviously practiced entreating expression. Mara supposed that it must work wonders on his wife. "So will you help?"

"I don't know, Solo. You'd owe me. And I do mean big time owe me."

"I'll do almost anything, Jade."

She noted that he wasn't so desperate for her help that he didn't fail to qualify that 'anything'. But she knew it didn't matter anyway. As soon as she'd heard that it was Skywalker that needed help, Mara had known she was going to do it. There was something about that blasted Jedi Master that just kept pulling her back in to his sphere, no matter how hard she tried to resist. Of course, that didn't mean she had to let Solo know that.

"I'm thinking an exclusive contract with Karrde Industries and the Coruscant Trade Council might be a good start," Mara said slyly.

Solo's jaw clenched and he glared, but he somehow managed to refrain from saying what he was probably thinking. And it was no doubt something not very nice.

"I'll see what I can do," he said tightly.

"And perhaps a couple of tickets to the Smashball Galaxy Championship Tournament wouldn't go amiss either."

"What!? Are you insane!? Do you have any idea how much tickets to that thing go for?" Han screeched.

"Do you want my help or not?" Mara said with a vicious grin.

Solo closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, muttering a few things she couldn't hear under his breath. "I'll see what I can do."

"I knew you'd see it my way. Now, when exactly was the last time you saw Skywalker?"

**~*~*~**

Mara eyed the seedy-looking club – and that was perhaps being a little bit nice in describing the place – warily. Ever since Wayland, there'd been an odd connection between her and Skywalker, but she'd never tried to use it to track him like this before, so maybe she'd gotten it wrong.

Her instinct, and the Force, was telling her that he was in that place, though, so Mara squared her shoulders and marched over to the doors. Naturally, her hand stayed on her blaster, just in case, as she cautiously opened the door.

She could have come in blasters blazing for all the attention that anyone inside was paying the entrance. It was very unusual, since Mara knew that one of the hazards of entering a small pub like this was having every patron inside size you up the minute you stepped in the door.

Instead, the attention of every person in the dingy club seemed to be drawn to one of the back corners. And oddly, every single person had the same look of horrified fascination on their faces. Then, the noise hit Mara's ears. It was a little less intense than the caterwauling of a drowning feline, but not by much. Morbidly curious, Mara stepped forward around some of the people standing between her and the back of the club.

Her jaw almost hit the floor when she finally got clear of the small crowd to see what was holding everyone's attention so rabidly. Luke Skywalker was up on a tiny stage…and he was singing.

Badly.

_Really, really_ badly.

Mara had heard some mangled versions of popular songs on karaoke before, but well…Skywalker was just truly awful. The worst part probably was the song he'd picked to sing. It was a sultry, sexy number that had been made popular by some Zeltron singer a few years ago, and the lyrics were really more suited to someone like her – Mara couldn't be bothered with remembering her name – than a Jedi Master who apparently had zero singing ability.

Those lyrics began to really sink into her consciousness now and Mara realized she had to stop this before everyone in the audience was permanently mentally scarred.

_I love myself  
I want you to love me  
When I'm feelin' down  
I want you above me  
I search myself  
I want you to find me  
I forget myself  
I want you to remind me  
I don't want anybody else  
When I think about you  
I touch myself  
I don't want anybody else  
Oh no, oh no, oh no_

When sung by the Zeltron, who had a body that would have made Darth Vader himself reconsider his allegiance to the Dark Side, the song was sexy…seductive…made men and women both want to throw themselves at her feet. When sung by Luke Skywalker? It was a bit on the creepy side. Almost vomit-inducing, actually.

Yeah, she definitely had to put a stop to this, cause no way was she going to chance wading around in vomit. Not in these boots, which had cost her a small fortune. And then she realized she had to do something very quickly, because surely he was not going to do in gesture what he was singing about in the song? Oh stars, yes he was!

Mara leapt up onto the stage and grabbed Luke by the arm, conveniently the one that had started to wander, ignoring the startled shrieks that had begun in the audience. Without giving him a chance to say anything, she yanked him off the stage and started to drag him towards the door. Apparently, she'd moved so quickly that she'd taken Luke by surprise, and they were outside on the sidewalk before Luke even managed a protest. Mara let the door close on the relieved cheers from inside the club as Luke began to yell angrily at her.

"Hey! You interrupted my set!"

"Thank the Force, someone had to," she retorted.

He glared and then narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. "Do I know you?"

Mara blinked in surprise. Solo hadn't told her that Skywalker was quite that far gone. Great, if he didn't even recognize her, how in the hells was she going to convince him to come with her back to her apartment so that he could sleep the rest of those magic shrooms off?

Mentally gritting her teeth, she decided to go the same route that Solo told her he'd used…humor the bastard.

"Of course you do, Skywalker. I'm your contact. We have to go back to home base so we can discuss our next move against the Imperials." And didn't _that _just sound weird coming from her, but Mara chose not to think too hard on the irony there.

Luke continued to eye her warily and then took a mutinous stance, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring down his nose at her. "I don't believe you and I'm not going anywhere with you. You didn't like my singing, so that proves that you're not on my side."

Mara barely held in her groan of frustration. There was no way she could tell Luke that rabid vornskrs wouldn't have liked his singing, as it was just that horrible, because then he would really get stubborn. He was stubborn enough when he was in his right mind. What to do?

Well, hells…he was still a _guy_.

"So, then, do you just want to go back to my apartment and have sex?" she asked, not at all sure that this would work. Skywalker was a moral, pious Jedi, who probably believed that the body was too pure for such-

"Okay!" he said eagerly. "Is it very far?"

"Er…no, it's just a couple of kilometers, actually," Mara said quietly, a little bit shocked that her outrageous suggestion had met with agreement so quickly. She wondered if he was really as addle-brained as Solo had said he was, before she decided that Luke's assent was probably thorough proof that he was temporarily loony.

The real Luke Skywalker would never want anything to do with a former Imperial assassin. Not like that. Mara tried not to notice how that realization made her stomach clench a little uncomfortably. It wasn't as though she was attracted to him or anything. Not _really_.

This was all just a pretense so she could get him out of the public eye before he did anything disastrous to his reputation. Which was probably already ruined if any of the bar patrons who had seen his 'performance' had recognized him. Oh, well, she could always come back later and knock a few heads about just to make certain that they didn't remember anything they saw.

Luke was following her quite happily now, chattering about the many different 'missions' he'd supposedly been on. Mara wondered if he wasn't starting to regain a little bit of his senses, because she recognized a little bit of truth in his tales of his exploits, although they were admittedly exaggerated. It wasn't very long before they were riding in the turbolift up towards Mara's apartment. Now she just had to figure out a way to knock him unconscious – nicely – before he expected her to make good on her promise.

TBC...


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: And here's the next part! Still pretty tame, but there is some kissage! YAY!**

**Part Seven**

Once inside her apartment, Luke spent several minutes walking around and making silly commentary on the few knick-knacks she had brought back from various places in the galaxy. Mara wasn't a huge believer in filling up her personal space with fripperies, but there were some things that had spoken enough to her when she saw them, that she decided to bring them home.

She thought perhaps Luke had forgotten about the ruse she'd used to get him here, and wasn't sure why she felt a little twinge of disappointment in her belly. She was so lost in pondering that for a moment, that Luke clearing his throat in front of her took Mara a bit by surprise. And wasn't that an embarrassing situation for a highly trained former Imperial agent.

"I think we should kiss now," he announced, and leaned towards her, closing his eyes and puckering his lips in the most exaggerated fashion she'd ever seen.

Mara couldn't help it. She snickered. Of course, then she felt guilty, because he reared back and had such a crestfallen expression on his face.

"Why are you laughing?"

"That wasn't a laugh. It was…it was…I was holding back a sneeze. I didn't want to sneeze on you," she stammered.

"You're lying. You tricked me into coming here, which means…you are the dancer spy who's been trying to kill me!" Luke shrieked at her, while he pointed an accusing finger in her face.

Mara glared at him in annoyance and pushed his hand away. "I did not trick you into coming here, Skywalker," she said. Although, well, technically she _had_, but it was for a very good cause.

"Yes, you did! And now I'm going to have to use my super special Jedi skills to. Take. You. Out," he said, in what she was sure he thought was a menacing manner.

She didn't have the heart to tell him it made him sound like the bad actor on that space academy show that was so popular for some obscure reason. Then, with what sounded like some sort of warrior call, he threw himself at her, clearly intending to make good on his threat.

Two seconds later, he was face down on the carpet and Mara had her knee in his back and one arm twisted up behind him. He was whining like a little baby, pleading with her to let him go and promising that he'd be good.

_I am really getting soft in my old age_, Mara thought as she stepped up away from him and told him to sit down on the couch and behave. In the past, she would have at least made sure someone had a broken arm if they'd dared attack her like that. No matter if they were a little whacked out of their minds or not.

Luke sat on the couch beside her, sniffling sulkily and rubbing his sore arm. He sent several baleful looks in her direction before she couldn't stand it anymore.

"What is it?" she asked, with an impatient sigh.

"Well, it's just that…" he hesitated.

"_What_, Skywalker?" she demanded.

"I didn't get my kiss. You promised sex, and if I'm not going to get that, I think I should at least get a kiss," he said grumpily.

"Fine!" Mara shouted, thinking that she should really get more rewards out of Solo after this was over, just for all the trouble she was having to deal with. That was what she told herself, stubbornly ignoring that little voice that said this might be the only chance she'd ever have to know what a kiss from Skywalker was like.

It was probably going to be horrible anyway, as goofy as he was at the moment. A huge grin crossed his face and he started to lean forward while doing that disgusting lip thing again. Mara wasn't having any of _that_.

"Hold up, Jedi," she said, putting one hand on his chest to hold him in place. He started to protest, so she quickly added, "You just sit back and I'll take it from here, all right?"

"Well, okay. If you're sure. But I could do a really good job at this, I know I could," he said earnestly.

"I'm sure," Mara said wryly.

She slid over closer to him and leaned in slowly. Luke was being as still as a statue, following her instruction to give over control dutifully. Mara brushed her lips ever so softly over his, a kiss that was barely a kiss. She paused for a second, feeling her own breathing speed up as she heard Luke's hitch a little in his throat.

"Is…is that all?" he whispered.

"No. Not yet. Patience, Jedi," she whispered back. She touched her mouth to his again, lingering this time, adding a bit more pressure, and then she let her tongue slip out to glide over his bottom lip. Luke gave a tiny gasp, his eyes falling closed, the tempo of his breath increasing.

Mara felt like she was floating; Luke's presence was that intoxicating. She realized somewhat ruefully that she'd been lying to herself for quite some time. She was in love with the blasted Jedi, and probably had been from almost the moment she'd met him. And right now, she really wasn't close enough to him.

Sitting side-by-side on the couch was awkward, causing her to have to twist sideways to meet his lips. With a little huff of exasperation, she sat up and swung one leg around until she was straddling him. Luke squeaked in surprise at the sudden move, but didn't protest. Instead, he hesitantly brought his hands up to press lightly against her back.

Being so close to him, being able to look him right in the eyes, Mara felt a little lightheaded. It really was too bad that he was a little light in the head at the moment as well. A sneaky little voice inside of her insisted on wondering what this would be like if Luke was fully in command of his mental faculties. She shook her head a little, angry at herself for wondering impossible things. This was going to be her only chance to kiss Skywalker, so she'd better take it.

"Why are you shaking your head? Are you changing your mind? Cause that's totally not fair, to change your mind on something when you've already promised it. I really, really hate it when people do that to me, it makes me very mad and I am still a Jedi, you know. I could-"

Mara cut him off quickly by leaning in and really kissing him this time, letting herself go all out as though this was one of those dreams she kept having, although she'd always denied that they meant anything. He was slightly hesitant, almost a bit clumsy at first, but it didn't take long until he was matching her move for move. Mara heard a desperate-sounding moan echo through her living room, and was vaguely aware that the noise had come from her. She was far too turned on to care at this point.

In fact, she had to back off for a moment, try to regain her senses, or else she would end up following through on her original promise of full-out sex. Mara pulled her lips away from his and buried her face in Luke's neck, not wanting to face him just yet as she tried to regain her composure somewhat. The two of them were breathing heavily, and Mara could not deny the tiny shivers that skated over her skin each time she felt his breath exhale against her ear.

Her traitorous brain began to send thoughts that perhaps having sex with Skywalker wasn't such a horrendous idea. After all, she might not get another chance at this, right? Mara Jade had always been a believer in taking opportunities as they came. Sometimes you didn't know if they'd ever come again, so you had to jump on them – so to speak – when they appeared. She felt Luke rest his head on her shoulder and wondered if he was as affected as she was by their encounter.

"Maybe we should take this into the bedroom, Skywalker?" Mara whispered breathily. There was no answer and she thought for a moment that he hadn't heard her. Although how that was possible when her lips were right next to his ear…

"Skywalker?" she said, and pulled her head back to look at him. As she did so, his head lolled forward and something sounding suspiciously like a snore emanated from his mouth. _Holy hells, I kissed him into unconsciousness!_ was Mara's first ridiculous thought and then she recalled the conversation with Solo about what would happen when the shrooms finally began to wear off. Well, she supposed this was a good thing, as it meant that he'd be back to normal when he woke up. She tried to ignore that little spark of disappointment that she might have missed a chance that would never come again.

"Blast, Skywalker, you couldn't have held off on the coma for another thirty minutes or so?" she grumbled to herself, before shifting to carefully lower him to lie on her sofa. The action left her lying somewhat awkwardly on his chest.

Mara stared down into his sleeping face and wondered if she could find the courage to change things between them. She knew that he had feelings for her, too. What exactly those feelings entailed, she wasn't sure. But maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to finally find out. With that in mind, Mara decided to settle herself on top of him and wait to see what happened when he woke up.

TBC...


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: And here's the next part...**

**Still not quite to the smut, I'm afraid, LOL.**

**Part Eight**

The moment Luke opened his eyes, he had to immediately close them again to try and push away the fierce headache that was pounding through his skull. The second time he opened his eyes, he stared in wide-eyed wonder at Mara Jade lying asleep on his chest. For a brief second, he panicked, not recalling a single detail as to how he'd ended up here, in _her_ apartment, he realized after taking a quick look around.

And then, to his horror, memories of the last week began trickling back into his brain, and he closed his eyes once again as he let out a groan.

"Oh, I am _so_ dead," he whispered.

"Nah, if I didn't kill you when Palpy ordered me to, I'm hardly gonna do it now, Jedi," Mara said sleepily, and looked up at him with a smirk.

Luke's eyes jerked open once more and he gasped at the realization that she was awake, and there went his opportunity to somehow get the hell out of here without her knowing.

"Um…good morning?" he said hesitantly.

"Hmm, yeah, pretty good morning so far. At least you're not trying to sing anymore."

"What?" he asked in confusion and then _that_ memory came back, too. "Oh, please kill me now."

"Hey, why would I want to get rid of you now when I've finally got some really good blackmail material on the oh-so-perfect Jedi Master?"

"You're…ah…being awfully understanding about all of this…" he said, and then cautiously continued. "And…er…how exactly did…_this_…" Luke gestured with one hand to the two of them lying so intimately on her sofa. "…happen?"

Mara gave a throaty little laugh, and Luke tried to hide his whimper, while he also tried to hide the effect the sound had on his traitorous body. Maybe if he shifted carefully, she wouldn't notice.

"Well, let's just say that you wanted to explore a side of our relationship that we've never explored before, Skywalker." She gave a sultry smile and Luke's breathing and heartbeat shot through the stratosphere.

"I…we…I mean…did we?" he asked and glanced down quickly. They both still seemed to be fully dressed. He was half-disappointed, half-relieved, because if that _had_ happened, he definitely wanted to remember it.

Then Mara laughed at him for real, and Luke gave her a startled glance before relaxing. She was teasing him, then. All right, at least that was a little closer to their normal relationship.

"Don't worry, Skywalker, nothing happened. You went comatose before I could take full advantage of you."

"Ad-advantage?" he mumbled, and then squeezed his eyes shut as more memories flooded into his brain, causing his head to pound once more. "Oh, stars! My sister and Han _saw me naked_!!" he shrieked in horror.

"Hmm, lucky them," Mara murmured, so quietly that he almost didn't catch it.

"Wait, what? What do you mean by that, 'lucky them'?" he asked as he opened his eyes to peer questioningly at her. To his surprise, she ducked her head in what almost seemed like a shy move. 'Shy' and 'Mara' were not two words that he often connected in his mind.

"Mara?" he asked softly.

She raised her head and looked at him. He nearly went breathless at the determined intensity of her gaze. "When you weren't yourself, there was a moment. A moment when we…well, we connected. Very intimately. And it was only cut short because you passed out on me."

Luke winced. "I'm sorry," he said, not sure if he was apologizing for passing out or for not passing out sooner.

"It's not as though you had much choice in the situation. Which is kind of why I'm glad that it didn't go any further…"

Luke dropped his gaze quickly, not wanting her to see the pain in his eyes at the starkness of her words. His desire for Mara Jade was something he'd kept carefully hidden, even from himself most of the time. It hurt that she was saying she didn't want him.

"…because I definitely want to explore it while you're fully yourself, Jedi," she continued softly.

Luke looked back up at her, certain his surprise showing on his face. "I'm not sure I understand," he whispered, unable to fully believe what she seemed to be trying to tell him. He didn't want to get his hopes up, like they'd been fruitlessly raised too many times before in his life.

"Skywalker…" she began, then paused for a second, when she smiled at him, the warmest smile he'd ever seen from Mara Jade in all the years he'd known her. "Luke. There's always been something between us. It was something that I fought tooth and nail for many years, but I'm tired of fighting. Both my feelings and you. Do you feel it, too? Or am I completely embarrassing myself here?" she said, a sliver of doubt showing through the confidence she'd just been displaying.

"I do feel it, Mara, I think I always have. I just never thought…I mean, I never dreamed that you might feel the same way," he said in wonder.

"I denied it for a long time, Luke, but I do. I truly do."

He found himself in awe at her courage. He'd often been impressed by many aspects of her personality over the years: her strength, both mental and physical; her determination; her integrity; the ferocity with which she attacked everything in her life. Luke had always thought that she was one of the most beautiful women he'd ever met, and it wasn't just her physical form that attracted him.

Here, in this moment, he thought she might have been the bravest person he'd ever known. It was sometimes so easy to put your physical self out there in a confrontation or battle, or at least Luke had always found it to be so. But to put your heart in front of someone else? Especially when you weren't one hundred per cent certain that they returned your feelings? Luke thought that Mara was far more courageous than he could ever be.

He realized that he'd been quiet a bit too long when she shifted uncomfortably on top of him, her face going a bit tense. Luke smiled at her and raised his hands to gently cup her face. Mara stilled and just stared at him, her eyes going wide.

"You are so amazing," he whispered. He lifted his head off the sofa just a little bit, hesitantly making the first move. To his immense relief, she responded, tilting her face down towards his, her eyes sliding closed as their lips came so close to touching. It was absolutely the most perfect moment Luke had ever experienced in his life thus far.

Which, of course, meant that it was bound to be ruined.

"Luke, are you here?" his sister's voice called out worriedly, as he heard the front door of Mara's apartment open. This was followed quickly by a startled shriek, as not only Leia, but his brother-in-law came around the corner as well. That bastard started laughing his ass off, naturally. Luke and Mara scrambled to get off the sofa as quickly as they could, although Luke was hoping that Mara was just as disappointed as he was at the intrusion.

It took several minutes for the chaos that followed to be contained. The four of them ended up in an awkward circle in the middle of Mara's living room. Luke was embarrassed to have such an intimate moment be interrupted by his sister; Leia was chastising him for causing her to worry about him; Mara was incensed that the Solos had somehow gotten into her apartment without her permission or her passcode; and Han just couldn't stop laughing.

"Solo, if you don't quit that cackling, I'll explain to your wife exactly how Luke came to be in my apartment," Mara threatened, which got the attention of both Skywalkers immediately.

"What would Han have to do with that?" Leia asked, while giving her husband a suspicious glare.

"We don't need to mention anything about a certain bar, Mara…and I mean _ever_ when I say that," Luke said, a little desperately.

"What? What bar? What do you mean by that?" Leia asked, turning her glare to her twin.

"It wouldn't exactly be good blackmail material if I gave it up that easily, now would it?" Mara said, a wicked gleam in her eye.

Luke just chuckled a little weakly, not sure if she was joking or not.

"Luke, you've just been through a very rough week. We don't know what other effects the shrooms might have had on your system. I think you need to be checked out by a doctor right now," Leia said insistently.

"I'm feeling fine now, just a little tired," Luke replied.

"Still, I think it would be best if we made sure of that-"

"Leia," Luke interrupted her. "I'm fine. I'm just a little tired and extremely embarrassed at some of the memories about the last week that keep coming back to me. I just need to rest, that's all."

"Yeah, I just wish I'd thought of using a holocam for the week, Kid. You were hilarious!" Han snickered.

"Thanks, Han. I knew I could count on you to find humor in my perilous situation," Luke said dryly.

"Bah! It was never perilous, Kid! Leia and I had everything well in hand the whole time."

"Until you lost him," Mara said with a sarcastic tilt of her head.

"Yes, how did that happen, Han?" Leia said, as she turned to glare at her husband. "I seem to recall you telling me that everything was under control and I woke up from my nap, Luke was gone!"

"Hey, it's not my fault! Luke's a freaking Jedi Master, okay? He got away from me, but that's why I sent Jade after him. I figured with the Force mumbo-jumbo causing this mess, she'd be able to find him the quickest," he said.

He looked quite pleased with himself at this rationalization, until he realized that now all three Force-sensitive people in the room were giving him nasty looks. Obviously, a diversion was called for immediately.

"Anyway, I think the question should be, what were Jade and the kid doing when we walked in the room?" he asked slyly.

"That is an interesting question," Leia said coolly, turning her attention back to her brother.

"And one that is none of your business," Luke answered back just as calmly.

Leia gasped, hurt showing just a little on her face. Luke sighed and rubbed a hand wearily on the back of his neck.

"Look…Leia…you know I love you very much, but honestly, what happens between Mara and myself is between Mara and myself," he said gently, while sneaking a quick glance at the redhead in question to see what she thought of the direction of the conversation. To his relief, she wasn't running for the door.

_But then, this is _her_ apartment_, Luke thought to himself. Well, at least she wasn't physically throwing all of them out. He hoped that was a positive sign.

"I'm just worried about you, Luke," Leia said faintly, a glimmer of hurt still shining in her eyes.

"I know you are, but I am a big boy now. I can take care of myself." He grimaced at the pointed glance she gave him, reminding him without words of the fiasco the last week had been. "Well, most of the time I can. And I'm fine now, I promise."

"I still think you need to see a doctor, just to be safe."

"All he'd tell me is to get some rest, Leia. I can manage that on my own."

"Well, if you're sure…" Leia said. When Luke gave her a firm nod, she then added, "Han and I can walk you back up to your apartment."

Luke closed his eyes and quickly counted to ten in his head. Force, but his sister was stubborn! "Mara and I have some things to discuss-"

"Oh, is that what they're calling it these days?" Han said sarcastically.

"-so I'm not leaving at the moment," Luke continued, giving Han a quick glare and sneaking a hopeful look in Jade's direction. To his immense relief, she gave a barely noticeable nod.

TBC...

(sorry this one ends kind of abruptly, but I couldn't think of a better place to cut it off)


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Well, here is the final part of this story! I apologize for it taking me so long to get the darned thing posted, but I hope that the smut in this part makes up a little bit for it!**

**ENJOY!**

**Part Nine**

It still took about another ten minutes to get his harried sister and his annoying brother-in-law out the door,N but once they were gone, Luke finally breathed a sigh of relief. Until he turned around and remembered that he had to talk to Mara about the almost-kiss now. Not that he was regretting the kiss, not in the slightest, but he was very worried that she might be, after facing the inquisition from his family.

"I'm impressed, Skywalker. I thought your sister had you firmly under her thumb," Mara teased.

"Leia is a very strong-willed woman, and sometimes, yes, it is easier to just let her have her way about things. But when it's important, I can make up my own mind," Luke said quietly.

"So you think this is important, then?" Mara asked, her voice carefully neutral.

"Probably one of the most important conversations I'll ever have."

Mara nodded slowly. "Okay. Would you like to sit down?" she asked, gesturing towards the sofa.

Luke flushed a little, remembering the intimate position they'd been in when his sister had interrupted them. He coughed nervously. "Sure, that would be fine."

As the two of them sat stiffly on the sofa, Luke silently cursed the sudden awkwardness that had taken over the room. Where was the honest emotion they'd been feeling before?

"Mara-" he tried to start as he turned to face her. But it ended in a startled squeak when she suddenly leaned over, grabbed his face, and kissed him hard. It was over quickly, and she sat back, grinning at him, although Luke noted that she looked a little flushed herself.

Meanwhile, he could barely think straight all of a sudden. His pulse was pounding, his palms were sweaty, and his breath was coming in pants that he couldn't seem to get under control.

"Thought we could just get that out of the way, Skywalker," Mara said.

"I'm not sure that I want to just 'get it out of the way', Mara. I think we might need to explore that a little further," Luke said, amazed that he was able to get that whole sentence out, the way his head was spinning.

They stared silently at one another for a long moment, the tension in the room mounting steadily, until it nearly became a tangible presence. In an instant, they crashed together – Luke wasn't sure if he moved forward or if she did, or maybe they met in the middle – and they were kissing deeply.

Luke had intended to just talk with her, truly he had, but it was as though everything had reached a boiling point. Their emotions, their desires, the intense longing; all of it just bubbled up and exploded into frenzied passion. Hands scrabbled to remove clothing, discarding it carelessly around the room, as they both eagerly caressed naked flesh.

Mara fell to her back on the sofa with a growl, pulling Luke with her. He went willingly, thrilling at all the wonderful places their naked bodies were connecting. He flexed his hips, just a little, enough to rub his hardness against the hidden nub between her thighs. Mara gasped and arched her back, conveniently putting her beautiful breasts easily within reach of his mouth.

He leaned down and kissed one taut nipple, before drawing it into his mouth and sucking gently. Mara cried out and brought her hands to the back of his head, pressing him closer in a wordless demand for more. Intoxicated with her taste and scent, Luke wanted more as well. He traced a trail down her quivering stomach with his lips, delighting in the tiny moans and gasps he was eliciting with his touch.

When he reached the tangle of red curls between her legs, Luke breathed in, inhaling the essence of her. He glanced up at Mara's face, enthralled at how she was only barely clinging to her control as she anticipated what he wanted to do. Luke wanted to see her lose that control and he wanted to be the one to make it happen. With a mischievous smirk, he softly kissed her there, before flicking his tongue sharply against that little nub of pleasure. He was rewarded with a howl from Mara like he'd never heard from her before.

Her hips thrust up against his mouth, as her hands clutched at his hair. Luke went to work in earnest then, determined to see her melting with ecstasy before he was done. Fingers, lips, tongue…Luke used every trick he'd ever learned from Han and his pilot buddies and his own experiences to make her scream.

It was a good thing the apartments they lived in were completely soundproof as Mara was absolutely hollering at the top of her lungs. She cried out his name, encouragement to keep going, threats if he should stop, and a few calls to various deities he hadn't even known she believed in.

Luke was fascinated to note that, at the moment of her climax, Mara breathed in a sharp breath and froze completely still, save for the slight shivering echoing across her body. He hummed in satisfaction as he felt the pulses thrumming through her, and tasted the warm juices that trickled into his mouth.

Mara collapsed into a boneless heap, tiny panting gasps escaping her as she floated down from her orgasm. Luke was so hard he feared he would burst before he moved a muscle. Reaching down one hand to tightly squeeze the base of his erection to stave off his own climax, he moved up Mara's limp body, kissing her mouth gently. She sighed in delight as she returned the caress.

"Mara, gotta be in you…please, let me…" he whispered, needing her so badly.

"Yes, yes, Luke…need you there…" she whispered in return.

He shifted over her, raising up a little so that he could guide himself inside. She was so slick and hot and wet that he slid in with no resistance at all. Luke couldn't help but groan as his eyelids fluttered closed. He knew he wasn't going to last very long, so he tried to hold still for as long as he could, so he could completely savor this moment. Then Mara clenched around him and he gasped, his eyes flying back open. She was smiling up at him blissfully, and she wrapped her arms around him and whispered into his ear.

"Come for me, Luke."

Her husky words seemed to go straight to his cock and Luke began to move, pulling out halfway before surging forward to fill her again. Barely a dozen strokes and Luke could feel it, could sense it coming on swiftly. "Oh, kriff…Mara!"

Her nails raked down the length of his back, and as Luke arched in surprised bliss, Mara took the opportunity to nip at his collarbone, scraping her teeth across it in a move that was certain to leave a mark. That was all it took, and Luke groaned as his orgasm washed over him, pulsing waves that grew stronger briefly as he emptied himself into her.

When it finally tapered off, Luke resisted the urge to just collapse on Mara, instead lowering himself gently back on top of her. He nuzzled his nose into her neck, sighing in contentment at the soft buzzing of pleasure that still tingled over his body. Mara wrapped her arms around him, turning her head so that she could kiss his forehead.

Momentarily fighting against the delicious lassitude that was enveloping him, Luke raised his head so that he could look into his lover's eyes.

"That was…amazing," he said.

Mara grinned back at him. "I couldn't agree more, Skywalker."

A tiny frown creased his brow at her continued use of his surname. He was hoping that it was more habit than her trying to tell him something. "Don't you think you could call me Luke after what just happened between us?"

"Well, that depends," she said.

Luke thought his heart might have just stopped. Surely, she wasn't going to say this was a mistake. Force, he could _not_ go back to the lonely existence he'd been suffering through before…not after he'd known the utter delight to be found in her arms.

"I told you before that I've never been great at talking about feelings, but I do feel something for you. Something that I've never felt before. I'm not familiar enough with love to know if that's what it is or not, but I think this might be what love feels like," Mara said quietly. "Whether or not I call you Luke depends on if you feel the same," she said, her voice dropping to an uncharacteristic hesitant whisper.

Luke's heart started beating again. In fact, it was pounding so fast, he half-wondered if she could hear it. "Mara, I've been in love with you for years. If you'll have me, I swear I'll never let you go," he declared.

"That's good to hear," Mara said and she reached her arms up to loop them around his neck, pulling him down so that she could kiss him. It took several minutes before they paused long enough for her to say, "Because I don't ever intend to let _you_ go."

He grinned ecstatically as he leaned down to kiss her again. She stopped him with one finger to his lips.

"Just one thing."

He looked at her quizzically, wondering what in the stars she could still be worried about.

"No more shrooms for you…_ever_!"

Luke stared at her in shock for a second before the both of them started laughing helplessly. Secretly, Luke thought he might start a garden with nothing but shrooms.

After all, they'd gotten him the woman of his dreams.

~FIN~


End file.
